London, greatest city in the world, no doubt about it. Mix of history, culture, landmarks, great places to eat, great places to go out and diversity like nowhere else. I feel privileged to have been born here and lived here my whole life, it would be a cold day in hell before I decide to leave this incredible place. But with all this glory comes an annoyance, an annoyance that showcases itself as a double edged sword. Almost like a hot cup of tea – you know you want to take a sip while it’s nice and hot, but when you feel the burn you just want to put it straight back down! Ladies and gents, for me, that cup of tea syndrome is tourists.
I didn’t realise how much this bothered me until I started working in the Westminster area. I found walking towards the station was turning into a gruelling Krypton Factor style obstacle course, dodging wannabe paparazzo’s taking pictures of a lamp post that was once leaked upon by a royal corgi. Now I know it can be fascinating for a first time visitor to take pictures of landmarks such as Big Ben, but does having a camera around your neck and a bright orange visor cap automatically make you lose all sense of the world around you? I mean, do tourists forget to pack common sense when stuffing their suitcases? You see them almost climbing on top of each other to be able to take a picture without any idea that they are in the middle of a busy road – something that I will come back to a bit later. At first I used to stop and wait for the tourists to take their pictures, let them get their positioning right, big smiles then ‘snap’! I would walk for another few seconds then stop again as the next group decide they want to take a picture of the pavement. Then I had enough, I reached the end of my tether and began ploughing through like a hot knife through butter. I’ve probably ruined more family photos than the weird uncle who everyone pretends to like. Even then you still can’t help but be caught out by the wild shrieking like a banshee of a tourist when Big Ben starts to chime, the funniest thing is when tourists begin clambering toward the clock in order to take pictures while the bells toll...
I understand that tourists bring millions and millions in revenue to the UK but the people counting the money don’t have to go through the daily grind that us regular people have to. So, going back to the road scenario, why is it that tourists think standing in the middle of a road while cars are trying to get past is a normal thing to do? Do they not have traffic control where they are from? I’ve lost count of the amount of times where furious drivers have had to literally scream and honk their horns to make these wanderers realise that they are about to be turned into goulash! And even then they just turn and look at the cars as if to say “why are you in the road trying to drive when I am busy taking a picture of another pointless street sign that I can’t even read?”
But I think my single biggest annoyance is the way tourists just decide to stop slap bang in the middle of the pavement without any regard for people walking behind them or anything that is going on around them. Countless times I have been in full flow only to walk into someone who just chooses to park themselves right in front of me. It is worse when there is a big group of them and not only do they walk so slow it’s as if they are going backwards, they also lose all concept of space and take up the whole width of the pavement! I mean come on, surely they have some sort of rules and common courtesy instilled in them before boarding that plane?
I have a solution for this...I honestly think that areas such as Oxford Street, Westminster et al should have a ‘tourist lane’ installed. Much like a bus lane on the roads, there should be a lane whereby tourists can walk as slowly and stop as often as they want, and a separate lane for everyone else who just wants to get to work, home or wherever it is they need to. How would this work I hear you ask? Well the tourist lane just needs to be sign posted with directions to every landmark the UK has to offer and you will soon see a filtering process, they will join the lanes in their droves, all with the common goal of reaching the promised land of Buckingham Palace amongst other places. I don’t think it’s too unrealistic, it could be done, it would certainly improve my journey to work that’s for sure! Dangling directions in front of a tourist is like a kid in a sweet shop – they will go nuts with excitement! But until that happens I guess I just need to grin and bear it...and continue to ruin those magic photo moments!
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